Thursday, December 15, 2011

i cant stop thinking about the things I should have said...

Well its just after six on a public holiday morning. Iv gotten up to write this post because my head has been writing it for days and I cant sleep :-(

The week started with one event that gave birth to the name of the post and then continues to run in that theme - don't you love it when that happens??

So Monday I had a second interview at a new company. The week before Id met the Head of the sales department and had basically bowled him over - he is an old friend ;-) in his words my cv was a train wreck for the most part but that he was overwhelmingly surprised by me....we haven't seen each other in over 14 years!
so that was good - when asked me to come in the following week for an interview with someone he had described as a 'ball crusher' i was SCARED. I spent the week analysing my answers to his questions and thinking of things to add in case they asked them again. Thinking of other possible questions they may ask, studying my cv so I don't make any mistakes on dates and things like that.
When I got there it was weird. the guy interviewing me is one of those 'coaching/mentor' types who don't actually ask questions but rather make statements. the questions he did ask were directly linked to my cv I have a 'motivational letter' on the front page of my cv. So he asked why do i say i work smart and not hard and then go from banking to my own business to rental sales to accounting software and then advertising...?" stuff like that.

It was a hard interview because i spent most of it feeling like i wasn't saying the right thing. Why did i leave the accounting software company? why didn't I just suck it up and stay there? why did i go into advertising instead of look for a job in software? why am i leaving the company im at now? is it as bad as i make it out to be in my head?
The entire week iv had this going round and round in my head - am i as good a sales person as i think i am? do i give up too easily? what am I supposed to be doing with my life? you are 32 years old and your still not happy with your career!!!

ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND!!!

Then on Wednesday i got to work and turned on my laptop put facebook on - you know its like a drug right?? And I was reading the days thread and looked on the top right hand corner, were that mini thread is and saw someones status saying how sorry he was for the family of - ill call him MM and what a massive shock it was. He only used his first name so my immediate thought was please dong be MM please don't be MM while i raced to get to MM's page. and there it was... MM had died that night in a car accident!!!

DEVASTATED~!

I was in high school with MM he was the loveliest boy in the school and he used to let me listen to his walk man playing South African music artists like Karma. Before that I had no idea there were musicians in South Africa. (I know, i may have been a bit blonde ok ;-)
In his kindness he made me a tape of Karma that I still have...I found him on Facebook a few weeks ago and meant to thank him for his kindness- you see in high school being kind to me could be a death sentence!!
Anyway I never did and now I never can thank him :-(
Its not like we were best buds or anything but I'm so sad! He has a wife and two children I think they are both under 5 Grief is a vicious animal and no one deserves to feel the way it makes you feel.
So so so sad - almost too sad!!!

then yesterday saw another school friend had lost his 5 month old daughter. For some reason his estranged wife had dropped the kids off at Bethany house - basically the welfare and the next day the child was dead. He didn't know they had been taken there and they didn't know how she had died she was apparently not sick!!!

Just so much sadness.

My Christmas tree stands virtually bare - we have misplaced the box they were in. We have no lights and there is now NO Christmas vibe at all!!

I'm trying to keep a happy face on Its my Angel Boys actual birthday on Sunday he is turning 6! I cant believe that 6 years has flown so quickly, it makes me terrified, I don't want time to go so quickly and I keep grabbing him and his sister hugging them close and breathing 'I love you so muches' into there ears!!
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Its a sad sad December!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Big Birthday Bash

Well its nearly Christmas and thankfully or not thankfully we seem to be doing things totally low key on our piece of the world.
We had the kids and angel Mans birthday plus celebrated our 8th aniversary a couple weekends ago and it was great fun to have so many people come over and spoil them like they did.
The water slide jumping castle was a massive success and so was the spit for those who stayed for dinner.
Learnings from having over 35 bodies at your house in one horrifically hot afternoon - ice!!! i will invest in one of those large tin tubs and buy hot ice or something like that! its was horrible trying to keep the drinks cold and available and a lot of back and forward running could have been avoided.
Also check if there is an actual sauce being supplied by the caterer as we didn't (He told me about these yummy potatoes in tomato and onion and imagined it to be saucy but it wasn't) Other than that... we will definitely need to build the 'deck' going out from the back door or something like that. The up down of the stoep/outside area up to the Jumping Castle was murder on my poor knee and I spent most of Sunday unable to put my full weight on that leg/hip!! Not to mention the sun! and the broken spaces between the people was also weird. Will have to rethink the whole back garden at some point but I just cant be bothered at the moment with my floor rather than my roof leaking every time it rains... i know weird!!
I also need to work on being a lot more organised considering I took Friday off to accomplished stuff and didn't really get anything done the way I had planned - i did however manage to employ an new cleaning lady and gardener which in and of itself is a massive achievement!!
It was really nice to walk from room to room in our house and see people mingling and chatting playing Xbox and kinnect in the lounge, kids in and out but not getting into mischief or anything like that... and then outside all the grownups and more kids on the jumping castle in the middle of the garden.
We only had one seriously annoying guest. One of the parents from school - he DID NOT STOP TALKING and when Angel mans boss and wife arrived he landed up talking and talking about himself and his life REALLY loudly. I cant explain the kind of guy this dad is, but we didn't realise he was SOO annoying. (I know that must sound horrible) But now we know and its not like after this year we will see him again as our kids are going to different schools.
Other than that - we got to see some friends we havn't seen in more than a year which was lovely and we did get to chat here and there to most of them as well as some hockey parents (very surprised that they arrived!!) And everyone got on well so they kept themselves amused when we were running around sorting other stuff out.
The only incident of the day was that some kids got hold of the koki pens and left them on angel girls bed so now i have a long (15cm) red stripe were the pen leaked on her brand new bedspread - but for once im not behaving like a total control freak and if thats the worst that came out of the amazing day/night birthday bash then so be it.
I did say that we wont do somthing so huge next year - i need at least two years to recover - which fits inperfectly for my 10 year plan ;-)