Thursday, March 27, 2014

Muddled Up

So I have a quick minute available and decided I really needed to get my thoughts onto paper (or whatever right ;-) )
So thing are going at their normal staggering pace - my new job is the ultimate nightmare complete with feelings of being 19 all over again with crazy hours little pay and a demented crazy person for a boss... seems like I just have no luck with working for actual business but have not learnt that lesson yet nor can I find anything that I am actually good enough at to do for myself that would bring enough income in - so just your typical double edged sword methinks!!

On the home front my demented brother is still gung ho to sell our house and if you have followed me here for a while you will know the back story of why and how this is possible so im not going to repeat it again.
After a shocker that wasnt really a shocker considering how we know he can be in terms of fairness in January we have totally lost interest in this house - not organising a new lawn mower or weed eater for one along with a gardener leaving our garden a literal jungle and my veggie patch an overgrown tomatoe and basil feast for the multitude of snails.
We have been accumulating boxes in order to make the move...when it eventually happens, happen with a slightly better success rate - although if I look at the boxes and everything else in the house I dont think its making any difference - in the last 8 years we have accumulated even more STUFF which I cant seem to get rid.  We are such weirdo hoarders!!!

We had an offer in on a lovely little house down the road from us - a small cottage really but on a flat square piece of land, in a managable amount of space.  I did the worst thing possible - i started to make plans and dream of how we would live in this house - and then the banks came back with;- a totally unfavourable offer that we could not reach and so we had to decline the offer and lose the house.  :-(
i have been very sad since then...Liam is obviously his optimistic self and thank God for that - he is working 2 jobs his day job and freelancing to get in extra money at the moment for our expenses and looking for places to live amoungst everything else - the man is a saint!!

On kids school front - Gabriel has had a nightmare start to 2014, including falling behind in class - going backward in reading writting phonics site words and pretty much anything to do with English.  He was being bullied again (by the same crowd of boys from last year) Getting into detention for being disruptive in class as well as struggling with class mates by over correcting and getting them all into trouble all the time.
I met with his teach after only a few weeks of school, with her complaining that he seemed to not be taking his meds (although I know he is taking them) behaving completely spaced out or disruptive and not knowing what is going on most of the time, falling behind and being ostracised by his peer group.

We have taken him to yet another Educational Psychologist who has given us the same response as everyone else he has ever seen - ADHD with word finding problems etc but no real definite diagnosis.  She has asked us to take him to have an EEG done so we have that appointment next week as well as an Eye movement test set as one of his eyes has suddenly decided it will not follow (making reading difficult as well)
We also are in the process of making an appointment with admissions at Dominiques school so that we can get him in there - at least then he will get all the therapies recommended by the Educational Psycologist during school as well as smaller classes which may also help.

And last but certainly not least - Dominique has taken to big school like a fish to water!! Her teacher loves her to pieces, everyone knows her from the little kids to the high school kids. She is taking the bus to and from school and has been very grown up about this new step.
She is however still struggling with English and her report - which we got yesterday - was a below average result which we are a bit surprised about.  We will see the teacher next term (in two weeks time) for parents evening so we can discuss this with her.  She has also been selected for Horse Therapy to aid self confidence and body movement which will also take place next term during school time. She is so excited about this she was bubbling over yesterday!!

So that is life as it is at the moment - crazy busy insane.....All i want is a holiday or time to sleep (which is not really 'me'.)  I cant stop eating - its a comfort thing I know.  And my biggest wish right now is just to have some finality on something - anything...
I am hoping that we will have Gabriel sorted out in the first few weeks of next term so that he is settled and hopefully happier  - That school is so much better or at least our experience of them so far has been much more positive than with Gabriels school.
Then Liam and I have decided that we need to have made a decision about living arrangments by the end of this month so that we can start moving forward - this living in limbo thing is for the dogs and is affecting our ability to focus and that is a huge problem.
As per usual I am once again looking for another job... so ja that is that.

I am finding it very hard to look at books, magazines, pinterest, blogs or anything that shows nice things or design ideas when it is virtually impossible to improve anything in that part of our life either from lack of finances or lack of our own home in which to do it. the negativity toward this house is not a very nice feeling and we all hate being home when we are home which is already very seldom for me becouse of work.
I am honestly tired ALL THE TIME and stressed out beyond belief.

We visited a lovely farm comunity over the weekend were the owner has cows that they are breeding for meat and a hydroponic veggie garden that I cannot get our of my mind!!!

Thank you for the vent!! (or pseudo vent)

Sunday, January 5, 2014

2014 - and Im a little scared

So here I am trying again to see if  my blackberry will  post  on my sad lonely blog - sorry for leaving for so long, but we all know what the internet is Country ia very strange thing
We a looking at more permanent home internet solutions - but Ja nee!
Hope 2014 is treating you well so far - im off to do more sorting and leaning ad ring to smething to wear to work tomorrow - last days of holiday really suck :-(

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Keep on keeping on...

So I finally comandeered the husbands laptop - my previous semi cryptic not completly explained in full post was written on my Blackberry which for some reason does not allow me to scroll down so Im limited to a teeny tiny couple of paragraphs...

Anyhoo - it took the insurance/builders to build my mothers house again in only 6 weeks from start to finish, they have moved in and are currenly looking at getting a few things to finish of the house - for instance additional shelving tv cabinets etc.
They were blessed with new clothes beds, fridges and pretty much all necesseties but obviously there was a whole lot of stuff that wasnt replaced and cant be replaced...we go through the motions of not remembering these things or to try not to talk about it too much, it is a bit hard to be honest.

Back on the ranch we have moved our son back to his old school.  We also found out that he has been accepted to the primary school we wantedhim to go to so we will be saving a bit f money on school fees next year. He will also be able to do cricket, swimming, judo tennis and hockey - he will be a very happy boy!!

On the job front the whole 'closer to home but less money' thing didnt work out. Im working on the business my brother and I started doing a lift service for kids in an around the area. 
Im still looking for a job so we will see what happens in the next few months!!

Its the baby girls 5th birthday next week - I.CANT.BELIVE.SHE.IS.FIVE.ALREADY- FREAKING OUT!!!!

Its 15 weeks till the end of the year - I cant wait for 2012 to end - this year has just been to hard!

Monday, September 3, 2012

The Clothes on their backs

A month ago last friday at about quarter to four I received a message from m uband to call him 'urgently'. Now if u know Liam like I do - that was the socking part - seriously .. so when I called him back he very calmly told me told m ht my mothers house was burning down and that they had lost everything.

So yes the saying "only the clothes on their back" has a whole new meaning.  

What a shock to literally whach someones life burn up in flames!! I can't really explain what it feels like or how on earth my mom has managed to deal with it all but she has in her typical calm way  

Monday, July 2, 2012

Yet another new beggining??

So its 6.21 in the morning...i didnt sleep very well or at all really last night. I have a second interview this morning as a temp receptionist at the local hospital.
I dont know how i feel about this 'career change' but i know that I cant keep working for the people im working for now, its just such a mess. How do I keep getting myself into these sorts of situations I have no idea..on the other hand although the reception Job is MUCH less money than what i have sort of been used to its almost exactly what I have been putting out into the world and praying for...
1.  No Cold Calling
2.  Working for a big Corporate (the hospital is part of one of the two big Hospital groups in SA)
      (although Ill be subcontracting through an agency - which is a good thing sometimes too)
3.  Close to home - it takes about 15 minutes to drive there - although iv never tried it in peak hours
4.  Needs to work with the fact that Angel Man leaves for work at 6 and I would have no one to help me with the kids if I also had to start work or leave for work early - today is just for the interview that I need to be there so early...

So I guess if i get the job today I m getting exactly what I asked for although I cant help but feel like I am going backwards - again!!
I was a receptionist in my very very first real job!!

i am super grateful for the opportunity I know that the work market totally sucks at the moment and any salary more than minimum wage is better than no salary at all which is what I am getting now.

I also realised that being up this early even though I didnt sleep, it felt good to get dressed up and I know the ride out there is going to be great - there is nothing better than driving around at a time when everyone else is sleeping or only just getting up.

If anyone read this now - send love light prayers or whatever you send that this is the path that God wants me to be on - that is my only request that it be his will and not mine.

Thanks for all the support everyone its very much appreciated.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012


I am feeling a little lost at the moment - not completly unusual for me but i am seriously at a loss at to what to do next. One month ago I was told that the company i had been working was not going to renew my contract, two weeks later a friend asked me to join her in getting people to come to her networking event, we dont have enought people for Thursdays event and so it was decided today that we are postponing the event to July which in a nutshell i will not be getting a salary this month. This is an extreme problem!!! Obviously....
My clutch also finally gave in on Saturday morning so my car does not really drive very well, and I should not drive it anyway.
I still need to pay for angel boys therapy session which is over R1000 but i have not yet thinking i was going to make some money this month.
In other words its a serious problem
When I was told the contract was not going to be renewed I was depressed becouse its the first time ever that I have been let go from anywere - it sucks to not be good enough!!
And now I have no choice but to find another job and I need to get a job starting 1 July - practically unheard of!
Please put your prayers out there for me - thats all I ask I know all things happen for a reason but I dont want to be the reason on the we lose anything like the last time we almost lost everything.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

June 2012

After five weeks of headaches and pain I finally went to the doctor. He has told me I need to go to physio therapy and given me a script for an anti depressant.

As many of you who have been reading here for a while will know that I suffer from temparel lobe epilepsy and depression.

To be honest I had no idea I was feeling depressed. With that said I have been crying non stop for the last three years and the pain, irritation and anger I have been feeling for several months - its possible that this makes sense.

I have taken the pills - pain killers etc so I am really really sleepy - fiiiinally, now I just have to hope the sicky/non sleeper children dont wake me up to night!!