I did something really stupid this weekend
Ok, so i don't know if you already know how our house situation is structured and I'm too lazy to go check so I'm going to do a quick run down because you need the back story:
I owned a house before I met my husband, with my ex. When I met my husband and we got married we bought a house together. We then decided to sell the house I owned with my ex that my parents lived in and buy them something else which we did, we then sold that property as well as the property we lived in on our own and rented for a while. We then got my brother to buy a house that had a big property (1800 square) and we built a second house with our profits on this property and extended the 'kaya' our servants quarters into a two room cottage. - So three properties on one piece of land. From each of the properties I/ex/husband sold I gave my parents/brother/ex/husband some of the profits. To do what they wanted. It was decided that the new property in all but name would be mine and my husbands as well as my parents. A year after this property was purchased my brother got married and moved out leaving us in a bit of a financial bind because the rent was worked out on being split in three unequal portions. A few years after this my father died leaving my mom and two younger sisters basically penny less so this put more strain on her and us (my husband and I) Our family now consisted of two little people as well. So then a year ago my mother decided she needed her Independence and she moved out with my two sisters. My husband and I had for a year before that tried running our own business mine failed and my husband was not doing very well. I tried working but could not find a job (recession and all that good stuff) the year before this my brother and sister in law had been unemployed for a full 12 months as well. I think at this point it is unnecessary to say our family was in deep turmoil. Fast forward one year and both my husband and I have good jobs - not plenty of money but stable. We saved the house and Car from being repossessed by a few days all on our own. We have started to fix the house again slowly but still making some progress. We have bought a few 'nice to haves' for us and we have normalised our lives again. We even invited my mother to come back to live in her old house on the property for a minimal amount so that she can sort out her finances and get my sister into varsity.
So now if all this is going so well - please can someone explain to me why I went on Saturday and told my sister in law she can have the house because this is the easiest way to sort out the whole problem of my brother not being able to buy her a house or himself a car because of the house we live in being on his name and us not able to buy the house because the banks cant find value (this is rubbish but we have done a few mad things to the house - all fixable but my brother doesn't see it that way)
The minute the words were out my mouth I realised that the one person I thought that would never move back to our area in the sticks was the one person that really did want to move back and then after a lengthy argument with my brother he gave me an ultimatum stating that they will move back by 1 September - this year. This week I received emails from my sister in law stating that they would love to move back and that this can all work out. Only then did I realise that they expected us to walk away from this property that we have through blood sweat and tears kept from being taken away, worked on and slaved over. Just like that - no monetary help to move or find a place.
I am beyond gob smacked, my mother is cross because she feels safe with my fun totting husband in our house not afraid to investigate noises that they sms us with being scared in the middle of the night. (my brother and sister in law are big scardy cats and have not live in a house/property this size in over 5 years) My husband in not sure what to think and wants to look at other properties but then keeps going back to the reasons why this is a bad idea, he is the one that originally brought up the idea!
And my kids seem to have sensed somethings up and are now obsessed with spending time up at my mothers house.
I don't want to move, I have no idea why I made the offer in the first place other than being totally overwhelmed by the sheer volume of problems with this particular house, and extenuating circumstances like feeder areas for the kids school and well not really good reasons at all for possibly tearing a giant whole in our carefully spun equilibrium. I love my sister in law and my brother. I in fact love my family way more than they deserve. I know that's harsh but its true. Over the last year I have had to rethink my entire life purpose. I am no one without them but that is not the case for them. I broke a whole in a wall to fit them all into the house for my sons birthday and all my plans for the house are geared to family events and dinners. I cant stop thinking about the fact that in a year we have been invited o my brother enough times to fit on one hand but they come to our house for dinner/lunch once a week. I feel like they don't appreciate me (oh god here comes the whine) or want me around until they need something. Its hard not to think like this when the only thing that comes out of my brothers mouth is criticism - of my house, of the way we discipline my son. He give no support to my mom or sisters and seems to just be interested in his own life. Except for the fact that they religiously come up to our house every week to visit. Without fail most weekends we will see the.
My problem is that I just need to stop looking in all the wrong places for validation. I cant believe that at my age I am still looking for them to accept and approve of what I am doing with my life. I guess I just cant seem to get rid of the thought that they matter and mean something to me.
But what to do with them?
We have come to the point in our emails were we backtracked to another idea for them and we will be speaking to them on the weekend. I hope to backtrack my way out of this but I'm not sure how Ill be able to do this without causing a war.
wish me luck!!