Its been a while I know, and im not making any promises but i have been reading an amazing blog and she has inspired me to try this again.
I was going through an old suitcase that once upon a time belonged to my favourite aunt. She used it to keep old momentos such as newspaper clipings, school magazines and letters from her friends. Also old outfits from special occassions - debutants ball, valentines dances, matric fairwells etc.
As a child I had a special fascination for this suitcase and when it was left at my house for some reason I stole it and would spend hours reading through the letters and trying on the dresses. I imagines myself wearing those dresses and having those friends one day.
Over the years I took over the suitcase with my own special momentos. Letters passed behind the teachers back during exam prep. Invitations photos. Stones. poems my friends and i wrote and diaries of my teenage years are all in this suitcase.
I have moved more times than i care to elaborate here but this suitcase has followed me bulging at the seams, a little more scuffed and a little more broken than when i first received it.
It came down from the top of my wardrobe a few weeks ago in order to find some pictures my friend B had asked me to find.
And i started in on my old love letters - this is an old bad habit of mine!! After finding the very last letter he sent me and how absolutly horrible it is I VOWED!! to throw all the letters out!!
Needless to say we are now weeks down the line and I had still not done it, so last night i started again with all intense and purposes I wanted to throw it all out except for my very recently found friends letters (Facebook gotta love it - occassionally) and my penpal that ive been in contact with since we were 12 (who is also on facebook who rarely even sends me an email me but anyway you know)
And well i cant throw the photos away and i cant throw the poems away and well... now i sit with the stupid suitcase realising how absolutly hateful most of my so called friends were but absolutly unable to toss the lot and move on with my life!!!
I was thinking about the reason i keep the suitcase in the first place and my hubby is convinced it is the sole reason i cannot let anything go EVER. But my latest thought is that i have kept it in order to one day reconcile that lonely sad teenager with the well ME.
Im not really sure how to do that, its hard when you find out your childhood was basicly one big fat lie and that your the only one that remembers it.
I have the weekend to think about it and then i really have to make a decision, once and for all. We commited to declutter our house and if i can get rid of that suitcase I can get rid of anything!